The Indelicate Art & Mind Altering Power of saying “Fuck it, I’m going to do it anyway”

I wasn’t born with the name Robin*. It was something completely different. I lived with that completely different name for nearly 50 years. I hated it, I hated it with a passion… Pretty much always did, right from quite early in my childhood. On my first day ever at Gorse Hill Junior School, Swindon, I tried to convince my teacher, the ever lovely Mrs Offer, that my name was actually Charlotte but explained that I preferred to be called Charlie. Mrs Offer proceeded to look at me as if I were insane, she had my name written in the register, she met my parents, she knew exactly what my name was told me as much then and there… I had considered trying to barter with her to get her to change my name on the register but the only goods I had were my milk money & a pencil I got when we visited the Cutty Sark on a recent family holiday… I bloody LOVED that pencil. It wrote really nicely, was bright red, had a picture of the ship on it & had a brilliant rubber on the end. Peak childhood accessory, it was pinched by some snot nosed blonde teachers pet (her name is lost to the sands of time) a few weeks later & when I told Mrs Offer about this high value theft, she just waved me off telling me the snot nosed blonde would never do anything of the sort, while the snot nosed blonde glared at me for daring to grass her up, I got a right shoeing in the cloak room at hometime. That was a lesson I learned young, snitches get pushed to the floor, kicked & laughed at, after all.

I lived with my birth name for about 48 years & then, feeling an emotional gut punch every time it was uttered, I just decided “Fuck it!” and made the decision to dump it and pick something new. I wish I’d have done it years ago, back when I was a kid. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with the name, it’s nice, it just never felt like mine. And, the lovely thing is, now it’s no longer associated with me (in the main, I still haven’t got round to doing the legal bit yet!!) I don’t get that emotional sucker punch when I hear it & that’s lovely… It’s now just another name happy smile - Changing my name permanently altered my brain chemistry for the better.

From a young age, in a low income, sadly not single parent household, with a very ADHD younger sibling I learned a ton of other lessons rather young too. Be invisible & don’t take up space, being two of them. I became a text book people pleaser, so the idea of saying “Fuck it, I’m doing it anyway!” would have been completely alien to me & I imagine a huge number of other people can relate to that 

I got better as I aged but was still very apologetic for the very fact that I existed. I was lost, seriously lost. I had no idea who I was or how to find that out. Even down to creativity, I was lost, I didn’t feel worthy or good enough to create, My Mum used to tell me all the time that I should make my own clothes, that I had cheeky lil’ sumthin’ sumthin’... But nooooOOOOOOooooo there were far more talented folk out there than me (still incredibly true, but, at least I’m not terrified to take up the space I deserve anymore!) I’m not rolling all this out because I love a pity party, far from it my friends. I just learned the hard way that I had to be 100% honest with myself, be it good, bad or indifferent, if I was going to grow. I can do that now & have zero problem talking about it because there could be another lost lil sausage out there who needs to hear…

No is a complete sentence

It took me decades to learn that & I still fall into old routines if I'm hyper anxious, as happens at times. No. Not a chance. Do one Mate. Nope. & if all else fails… A well timed “Fuck off” will always get the message across. Make sure you always protect your boundaries with everything you have, trust me it’s worth it. So very, very important.

Changing my name just seemed to open the flood gates, all the stuff that I’d procrastinated on over recent years, namely Flatbattery Makes & actually making my dream happen & honestly, I think turning 50 recently also added to the “fuck it!” ideology - I fully just don’t give a shit any more, but in the most positive way. It’s still early doors with FBM & I’m building what I hope will become an inclusive creative community from the ground up, so let’s see where we end up, eh? The one thing I do know is I’m going to remember where my boundaries are & I will protect them with everything I’ve got. I’ve worked far too hard to go back now! 

                                                            Love, Robin  xx

*Don’t bother asking me what my old name was or why I hated my name. My reaction usually offends folk as if I’m the bad guy for not wanting to divulge deeply personal & very negative emotional responses to complete strangers. Cock off, mind your own beeswax - Just because you have a slight curiosity about something, it doesn’t give you the right to ask me deeply personal questions. You’d think in 2026 I wouldn’t need to explain privacy to people, but given the amount of people who sent me private messages, over on Foulbook, asking me outright why I changed it at the time I made the decision public knowledge, I thought I’d cut you off at the pass. Ask me no questions & I’ll tell you no lies…